PARKS and RECREATION

S03E10 - "Soulmates" (B)
             or:
"Burger vs. Burger"

          It's hard enough to write a great episode of television, but it's even harder to write the episode that comes after it.  Parks and Rec had been on fire when it came to cold opens, and the Ron Swanson tooth-pull is undoubtedly the apex of that streak.  In this one, Joe, the creepy and lecherous head of the sewage department, hits on Leslie Knope.  It's so-so.

          Just when you thought things were getting started between Leslie and Ben, they take a couple of steps back.  Leslie tries to ask Ben out on a date, and calling Ben's response awkward might be an understatement.  She seeks the counsel of Anne Perkins (who I feel compelled to call by her full name, thank you Rob Lowe) whose romantic exploits of late seem to border on promiscuity.  Anne advises Leslie to go on Hoosiermatch.com, and even helps the romantically inept Leslie create her profile.  The site comes up with a 98% match, who is none other than half man-child/half woman, Tom Haberford.
          There's an explanation, however, as Tom has created 26 separate profiles, each catering to a specific personality type.  The one that matched up with Leslie is his "nerd" profile.  Leslie discovers this over lunch with Tom, who, despite overwhelming evidence, still thinks it's a date.  The awkward non-romance between the two of them leads to a frank conversation with Chris, who reveals to Leslie his strict policy against office romance.  He even had to give the same speech to Ben, who is apparently interested in one of his co-workers.  Hence, the awkwardness.

          The b-story deals with the conflicting philosophies of Ron and Chris, and if you ask me, this is perfect fodder for a sub-plot.  Chris plans to do away with the burgers being served for lunch at City Hall, due to the unhealthiness of red meat.  He tries to convince Ron that turkey burgers can be just as delicious as regular burgers, and a cook-off ensues.  Chris makes an Asian-fusion organic gluten-free turkey burger with all the trimmings, ingredients purchased at Grain and Simple, a health-food store in a neighboring town.  Ron makes a no-frills beef hamburger, ingredients purchased at Food 'N Stuff, a discount food outlet equidistant from his home and his work.  The Swanson burger handily defeats Chris' Asian-fusion turkey burger so convincingly that even Chris has one.  I was a vegetarian for a year-and-a-half, and let me tell you, that first real burger was the best thing I'd tasted in, oh, let's say about a year-and-a-half.

          It's not quite as good as last week's episode, but it was a tough episode to follow.  Parks and Rec's tendency to get better with each episode had to stop somewhere.


Potent Quotables

• "Chris is a food genius.  Did you know that the food you eat becomes energy?"
• "I think you just described the Phantom of the Opera."
• "I buy my burger ingredients at Food 'N Stuff, a discount food outlet equidistant from my home and my work."
• "A douchevestigation."
• "They re-make Point Break.  I play both roles.  Keanu and Swayze."